


numb feeling

by splashstar



Series: Avoidance [2]
Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Brother-Sister Relationships, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar
Summary: And you finally ask yourself, after some time of contemplating it: why are you so...numbto everything all of a sudden?[originally written in May 2018]
Relationships: Gumi & Kamui Gakupo
Series: Avoidance [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741528
Kudos: 6





	numb feeling

You don’t know what happened. One day, you’re fine, and the next--

You’re... _this_. Whatever _this_ is. At first, you thought they were just mood swings or something like that, but it’s been this way for _too_ long and now it’s something you can’t even pinpoint. Is it sadness, is it loneliness?

And you finally ask yourself, after some time of contemplating it: why are you so... _numb_ to everything all of a sudden?

You don’t say anything about it to anyone. You don’t know what you’d say anyway. You wouldn’t be able to explain it if you tried. You keep this numb, nameless feeling to yourself, and your only response to anyone at school asking you if you’re okay is, _“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”_

It comes to a point where you start avoiding people and isolating yourself from everyone around you. It’s just people you don’t normally talk to at first--those crowds you pass in the halls on the way to class; more than half the students in the whole school, probably. But somehow it starts getting to people you can tolerate, like Yukari or Lily.

Recently, you’ve been avoiding Rin and Miku, which is _weird_ because you’ve been friends with them for what feels like forever. What have they ever done to you, anyway? _(Nothing. They haven’t done anything to hurt you. That’s the answer to that.)_

You don’t understand. Maybe you’re just crazy. You don’t know.

Until, all of a sudden, you _know_.

You get home from school one day, and you go straight to your room. It’s a day when you realize you’re beginning to avoid even Gakupo, your own _aniki_ , who you trust the most out of anyone. You put your bag down on the floor, open up the laptop charging on top of your messy bed, and type “numb feeling” into the search box.

“Depression,” the search engine deduces, as it gives you a page with a list of signs that you’re familiar with--maybe too much so. As you scroll through it, your eyes fill with tears. Your chest starts to ache.

It _has_ a name. You’re _not_ just crazy.

A weak sob escapes your throat as tears begin to spill over your cheeks, but you do nothing to stifle it.

“Gumi?”

A deep voice startles you, and you see Gakupo standing at the doorway with a concerned expression on his face. _Crap. You forgot to close the door._ He notices your expression immediately, and you already know from his own change in expression that he’s worried.

“Are you alright?” he asks softly.

Your voice comes out as a strained whisper. “I...I’m…”

_No_. No, you’re _not_ alright, you realize. You’re _not_ fine. But if anything, Gakupo could probably help you if you would finally break your silence.

At least now, you’d know what to say.

You let out a shaky sigh. “ _Aniki_ , I need to...tell you something.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was heavily inspired by that one episode of game grumps where dan tells the story of how he had ocd + i probably also had some form of depression in middle school/early high school?? i know that's super dark but i promise i'm happier now ( ´∀｀)b


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